so… all of this is crap…should be ignored, but will not be deleted, because dumb, should be public…
i have been very angry for about 3 months, and I only just now, figured out why. Just now, today. I will write a part 2 to this, and write about that, but not tonight. crap.. :\
You know, I have had to deal with a lot this last 2 months. I’m finding out that people whom I give my trust to, in a manner, though they’re not untrustworthy, are entirely self serving. It is odd to me that with all the rhetoric and commentaries about caring about others, and putting friends first, and family first, they really don’t. They just talk the talk. Yeah sure James, back me, support me, teach me, and give me your guidance, as long as it suits me. But as soon as there is a requirement from me, to do the right thing, or be honourable, I don’t want to hear it.
I don’t understand selfishness. Really I don’t remotely get it. Perhaps I’m naive, or stupid. Or perhaps I’m too idealistic, and believe that it is possible for people to choose right, to the point of self sacrifice, as I’m able to be.
I was angry over a few things I heard early this week and I do realize that whenever something good is about to occur, or has occurred for me, the invisible world, which hates, and loathes mankind, aches to cause pain and suffering toward me, to break me.
So yes, at first I get angry than after spending some time really thinking about it, i realize what is going on. I think that the most interesting thing about all of this is how quickly folks around me, choose self, over collective. There is no true loyalty any longer is there?
Obviously what I believe will happen in the next few weeks will happen, because I’m being attacked emotionally on every front. So it stands to reason, having been through this so many times before. With the difference being I’m older, and as a result, supposed to be more mature.
One of those closest to me, thought I’d be happy that someone was being an ass, and hurting someone else, when in truth, I knew it was going to happen, by the nature of that individual. I wasn’t happy, or sad. I just was, because it is what it is.
People who put money and ego ahead of anyone else, well, it always blows up in their faces. Its the natural result of the universe.
I know based upon that, we had to do what was right, to avoid the ripple affect of their actions, though seemingly unrelated to us, obviously related. What I didn’t expect was my that person closest to me more concerned about how it might adversely affect her, than the action of right, because it was about money.
Her selfishness, without the slightest concern for what she will do to this company, now that we are just about to be where we should be, is about to destroy all the time, work, blood, sweat, tears and yes, money, we’ve put into this. And all of this, after we have devoted a year to her success, and ability to move forward.
At the end of the day, she is only concerned about herself.
And that is incredibly hurtful. But on the flip side, at least now, I know her true colors. That she is the center of her universe, and her rhetoric about caring about others, and her loyalty, is just that, rhetorical bullshit. She isn’t interested in anything that will not be a benefit to her.
So now I’m in a situation where I have to make decisions. Hard ones. Decisions which are again, going to have hatred and comments thrown at me, because I am more interested in the core group of owners, than her personally. That the group is more important than any single individual within this group. Knowing that she will not accept it or understand it.
It is a sick dead feeling in my stomach.
I will have to sit with the other two partners, and decide with them what to do about this, because at the end of the day, if she will not put this group of individuals first, before her own greed, she will have to be let go. And that will still not prevent her from the responsibilities and accountability, because we will still do what is right, and declare our percentage of the taxes, which MUST be paid, which will simply, end up forcing her, to pay her taxes, which she has no interest in declaring. At the end of the day, I will not sacrifice the rest of us, for her benefit. I will not. It is wrong legally, ethically and morally.
I don’t like taxes anymore than the next person, but what does what I like or dislike have to do with the law? There are a million things in life we will not like. and yes there are a million more things in life, that we will like, but none of those things have anything to do with what is right before the law. Forget about God for a minute. Even people who do not believe in God know that they have to pay taxes.
I do happen to believe in God so that is so much more definitive for me that I must pay taxes, because i am to give unto Caesar what is Caesar’s and give unto God what is God’s. Taxes are Caesar’s take on my life. Caesar’s cut.
Right or wrong, arguable or not arguable, it is the law.
so…. it hurts less that i wrote this out now, but it won’t change the reality of the situation.
And now I know that I can not at all trust her. Because she will only do what is good for her, not what is good for all of us, including her.
So it seems that again, i will stand alone, choosing to do what is right and ethical, and honourable, and be hated for it.
