righto, for any of you who have actually taken the droll long painstaking time to read every blog I’ve ever written from 98, you’ll get this entry. For those of you who just tuned in recently and have it in your head that you need to analyze me or worse… decide your editorials matter to me, um… the best I can say to you? is analyze yourself, cuz there is more crap in that experiment than you’ll ever find here 
anyway… here I am right on schedule, 18 years after my “experience.”
what experience you ask? yeah, good question…
18 years ago (that would be the year 1992 for those of you who are curious), I was sitting on a beach, in a city, where I’d never visited, in a country that made no sense to me at all (that would be Canada, and the beach was English Bay in Vancouver).
I’d never – in all my travels – taken the time to actually watch a sunset. So I figured meh, why not right? So here it is, about 9ish at night (yeah late sunset), and I hear a voice call out “so James, are you ready yet?” yeah… trust me, I thought I’d instantly snapped… good job James… drugs, partying, and all that shit you did for the last few years? not helping you…
so I looked around and obviously I didn’t know anyone within grenade range, so I summarily ignored it.
doing what any normal human being would do, and suppress it, ignore it, and deny that it even happened.
then, the next thing I know the same thing, except this time from inside me… “James, are you ready yet?”
hell ya I jumped… I mean really… when is the last time you heard a voice inside your body that didn’t’ belong to you, with all the auditory qualities of an external voice? wouldn’t you think you’d lost your mind completely? wouldn’t you probably shit yourself?
uh huh… exactly… point and case…
so well what was I suppose to do… I answered it, (in my mind of course, I wasn’t that far gone geez), “ready for what?”
“Ready to stop running from me?”
K so I guess a normal person would ask, “who is this”, or “go away this isn’t real, there is something in this coffee, or I’m having a flashback” deny deny deny…
cept for me? yeah… I couldn’t do that… never been very good at lying to myself.
so it was simple, ‘what do you want?’
‘if you trust me, and do what I ask, all of your dreams will come true.”
oh yeah, I totally didn’t even care about “what I wanted” I was all about “what? trust you? my dreams? what the hell man? I don’t even know what I want, how can you make all that come true when I don’t even have a clue what my dreams are? seriously! really? are you serious? wtf man?”
oh, for those of you obsessed about the sunset? yeah it was awesome. it was a nice orange/red sky, and it flashed when the sun went down… k, can we move on now? good.
I was suddenly here, right here right now… seeing my life, as it has unfolded in the last 14 months. now… don’t misunderstand me. I didn’t see people or associations, or who was involved, cuz I hadn’t met any of them yet… but the result. I was shown the result. and not just the last 14 months but the final end result. and I could “see” so to speak the fullness of the path… what I needed to be, which quite directly, I wasn’t 18 years ago… obviously…
then flash! again, I was back.. my answer?
“huh… that was different… yeah but I have one problem ok? if you think that I’m going to walk into some building’s with a bunch of clay pigeons who all pretend to love, and pretend to be all together, and happy, and have them all smile and fake at me, while they talk shit about me behind my back, and I can see their weaknesses, and fears, and doubts and insecurities oozing and dripping off of them, like some kind of broken pipe in a cesspool, you’re nuts… if you want me to do this? fine. but you have to teach me who you are. you have to show me, cuz I don’t want to waste my time with some human beings perception which is based in their lack of perfection., while they rant and vent about how we are suppose to achieve and be something to earn it… nu uh… not happening.”
then it was pure silence…
anyway… the next day everything in my life changed… and here I am now. I did what was required of me. I didn’t hesitate, I didn’t hide, I faced myself. I faced my fears, doubts, and self, and dealt with everything that plagues everyone else, and yeah sure, I still have things that need to be worked through, but it’s not foreboding or difficult. it’s just ‘aw crap… really? I’m still dealing with that?” But I think the best part of that whole trip? Is I was able to witness, what God did… changed lives. Freedom, love, peace, hope, joy. The real valuable things in life…
And I’ve learned a lot about life, existence, and the point of who and what we are…
and I don’t make sense to anyone. I don’t seem normal to anyone. some people think I’m really smart. other people think I’m insane.
everyone that can’t manipulate, control, or deceive me, thinks I’m bipolar, or mentally or emotionally unstable, or something (yeah it gets boring to hear, cuz well…. it’s them projecting their crap at me, but whatev…).
so… this is the entry.
At the end of the day, yeah, there is a God. God is real. Not indifferent, not uncaring, not involved. yeah, you think God’s not involved…
God doesn’t control man. It defeats the purpose of creating man. Man controls man. I serve God, not man.
so… this is my definition of myself. By my experience. My personal instance in time.
Choose what you want to think about it… but at the end of the day? stay out of my experience… pull your learning from your own experiences.
now… how many of you at 27, knew you could skate the better part of your life away? how many of you didn’t achieve, desire, or esteem to be something or someone. how many of you didn’t suddenly stop and say, ‘huh, I don’t have to strive at all. kewl!” and knew it would just be created for you?
I’m that guy. The guy who doesn’t have to try. or work or be, or esteem, or strive, or achieve.
Because I did what I was asked.
And it has been decided I’d receive all of those dreams and desires now.
however… that also means you have to understand my dreams and desires, and that my friends, is an entirely different blog 
PS: for those of you paying attention… did you notice I didn’t give God a gender? did you wonder why? ask… I’ll be happy to tell you why sometime course you have to have the spine to ask me face to face
I had a similar experience, a variation on what you’ve described, and no less vivid. It was just two years ago and I mull over it constantly. I’ve not been able to attach any religious significance, in the conventional sense, to the event. However, for me, it was “in your face” proof, that I was able to physically touch, of existence beyond the here and now. An afterlife, as it were, which I now have an unshakable belief in. Undeniably, there was a God-force at work but nothing I would equate with any religious dogma I’ve ever been exposed to, nor did I feel compelled to compartmentalize it as such. Of course, we’re not alone in experiencing revelatory moments. The vast number of religions in the world are testament to that and proof that such occurrences are interpreted in every conceivable manner. Yeah, there is a God, but He/She/It is certain (I feel) to be far beyond the imagination or comprehension of men, including those who lay claim to having received specific instruction millenia ago. That an omnipotent entity might play favorites or designate a certain tribe as “chosen” is the most navel-gazing concept ever concocted (by men) and in itself defiles any true believers’ notion of what a Heaven might be. There is no ‘nose-bleed’ section. Once off the planet, we return to our natural state-of-being and everyone has a front-row seat.
It’s all a matter of belief/interpretation and inarguable. Not sure why you assumed I wouldn’t ‘like’ what you had to say, unless you’ve grown accustomed to negative feedback. None here.
By: Dave on December 11, 2010
at 9:50 am
just so you know, I can compartmentalize it (as you put it) for a single reason. I had a similar experience when i was 12, and blinded. Yes, medically clinically blinded – where I met the Christ. The Messiah. Face to face, and was instantly healed from that blindness. I assure you I was clear on who it was – very. As to man’s method of extrapolating that data? And needing to form it into a linear method in order to perceive it? No clue. I’m not the human race. I’m one person in it.
And now, of course I can’t prove it. How can I prove a personal experience? Anymore than anyone else can prove a person experience, by explanation or story. It’s up the listener to decide whether they believe it or not, but that doesn’t change the fact that it occurred for the speaker.
My job isn’t to run around proclaiming it, as many believe it is their job to do. My job as a human being created for a specific function, is to live within that function. God doesn’t have a “great purpose to my life” as seems to be the rhetoric of many who haven’t a clue who God is…. my purpose was defined before i was born, and I’ve been subjected to it for my entire existence. And yes, I say subjected.
No one does what God wants, willingly, or is “called” that is human attitude and need for relevance, and therefore of no value to God. I was dragged kicking and screaming, fighting, and running away from for 27 years of my life. Which is the point of this story.
it is what it is
By: James Van Leuvaan on December 11, 2010
at 1:48 pm
Agreed. Neither your nor my experience, nor those of countless others is an excuse to run out into the world proclaiming BELIEVE ME! If there is such as thing as a personal relationship with God, it should remain so, personal. If anyone truly believes there is a need to go running around knocking on doors, then they’re self-deluded and hegemonistic. The current ‘bitch’ of atheists in their attempt at keeping religion, of every stripe, out of schools and government at every level, is in response to stuff like this:
[link deleted]
James, would you actually condone this and cite it as a role-model for believers?
Somehow, I think not. No thinking person, religious or not, would. That you feel you’ve had a personal visitation from Jesus Christ is personal knowledge. Yours alone. It’s only when those who might have experienced the same, insist upon subjugation of the masses based upon their re-telling of the event. Atheism is thoroughly misunderstood by those in the religious community. Just because I don’t believe in a fictitious sky-daddy, as portrayed in every religious text , DOES NOT mean I don’t believe in God. The irony being, in the big picture, I’m far more religious than a Jimmy Swaggart or Benny Hinn. Therein lies the rub. I’ve no intention of ever making any money off of my beliefs and despise those who attempt to. Hence, I’m surely soon to be a hell-fire resident for a non-belief, regardless that I would find it unconscionable to cheat on my wife?
By: Dave on December 11, 2010
at 3:10 pm
Ok Dave,
I’m going to make a few things clear here.
1: This is my blog. I won’t, don’t, and do not get involved in any debates especially when what I’m posting has a point, to specific individuals, in my company, who trust my judgement, and accept the results of my decisions, and see those results as fruitful.
2: I believe actions speak louder than words, and my actions verbatim, reflect my heart, my viewpoints, and my way of life, on every level.
3: I do not allow links from my blog to other blogs, in order to create controversy.
If you have issues with this or that, write your own blog. Don’t pilfer mine with your viewpoints. I don’t actually or honestly care. Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart.
Don’t mistake tolerance, for interest. Don’t mistake politeness for an open attitude encouraging debate.
I do what I do in my life, based upon a relationship I have with a God who exists, and if you for some reason need to use my blog as a platform to express what you yourself aren’t able to reconcile, then at the end of the day, that is your issue. Not mine, nor my reader’s issue.
It is my experience, that those who claim to have a problem with God, really, at the end of the day, have a problem with religion, using the premise of their anger, toward God and anyone who truly serves God. I have no interest in that silliness.
Take the effort to find out who God is and stop wasting your time, and my time, ranting about what other people say, or do. Each individual on this planet is responsible to be sure that their rhetoric, is not just wind. But an action which reflects who and what they are…
And more than all of that? Stop equating God, to man’s actions. If you have a problem with men, deal with the men. Don’t bring God into it. God isn’t involved.
My life is proof of that.
I won’t be authorizing anymore of your posts. Your 15 minutes are up.
By: James Van Leuvaan on December 11, 2010
at 5:22 pm
wow? the last 2 comments I just received? from that Dave guy? yup… serious issues.
back to the real world!
By: James Van Leuvaan on December 11, 2010
at 9:09 pm