So I’ve taken a lot of time to mourn losing the girl I love all the years since to now and as it was said to me once by a pastor, I find that he was correct. It takes at least two years to pass the time of a love – except what he did not think was that it was not a passing as much as a reconciliation. I still do love her and it is likely that I will love her to the grave, which is right and honourable as I see it by my heart and spirit.

It was only this last month that I again decided to live my life. I was – as it was said to me by another friend whom I respect – that I was marking time.  Doing the deeds and functions that our society requires. Working, loving and so forth, though in all truth my heart was never in it.

So I buried myself in working, and honing my skills and abilities, which quite simply have grown quite formidably. Though in this last position, I realized that I do not any longer have any interest in this field – in as much as it is impossible to learn all the aspects of technology, the point of it is lost on me now.

Yet, I still will pursue this with a fervour if I’m able to give away the knowledge I’ve collected to others who desire the trappings that destroy men.

I like that statement and heard it said by the lead actor in the film Alexander. “For you have taken wives, and slaves of the lands we have conquered and fallen in love with the jewels and spoils of this campaign, giving your loyalty to those things which destroy men.”

Isn’t it interesting that we watch movies, and read poems and watch plays that represent the utopian idealistic concepts of an uncorrupted mind and heart, yet live contrarily to the truth of those understandings? Living in a selfish vain manner toward our own destruction?

For example: it is said that 1 in 5 people – both men and women – go under the knife with some sort of cosmetic surgery in this new millennium. That the most popular shows on television promote glamour, fame, and self focused vanity. American Idol, America’s best dance crew – the idea of “bling” and so on. I find it all rather sad and sardonically comical personally, as it holds no value.

Since I’ve been back in Toronto, I’ve listened to a semblance of morality that doesn’t even shock me, but rather makes me realize that I was either born in the wrong generation, or more so, am being forced to live in an age which would make Sodom and Gomorrah appear almost puritan in method and attitude.

“and it will be better for Sodom and Gomorrah in those days…” which is after all what was said by the Christ now isn’t it?

Take a look at your television sometime, and see if you are so jaded now with a cold heart to not notice the problem of it all. Half naked women strewn across commercials and music video’s. Nightly requests for different nine seven six phone lines with young tanned and bouncy teenage girls. Blood sport entertainment such as Ultimate Fighter and so forth.

Where sports that are competitive are only decent if there is combat and blood spilled. To the point now where athletes are being charged within their discipline because their violence has exceeded the norm of the sport upon it’s inception – hockey, football, basketball, soccer and so forth.

Where men and women are rewarded for either the amount of skin they’re willing to display or the amount of suffering they are able to inflict.

And still folks think that there is no God and that faith in an invisible supreme all powerful entity, is the weakest of character, and countenance.  I find all of this rather entertaining, since it quite simply means that the world is in it’s last age. It will be finished in and of itself, and I wonder then if – even by ignoring a faith system or writings of days gone by can be so flippantly ignored.

Going to rehab use to be something that was for those desiring help, and now it is a drive through fad made popular by the idolatry of musicians, actors, and politicians. I even watched a little idiocy on television where teenage girls in a high school decided to have a pact to get pregnant and raise their children as a group. Has the entire world lost it’s mind?

Truth has been traded in for fashion, and validation, justification, and rationalization are the core and centre of self serving ambition.  There are wars on virtually ever continent, whether blatant combat, or aggressive attitudes of attrition. And yet, still in this day and age people are “giving hands in marriage, buying and selling, pursuing selfish ambition” as it has been said will occur int his age.

We have less inhabitable land on this little marble, and a third of our livestock is sick, poisonous or dying. Mad cow disease, chickens, fish, birds and so forth – virtually extinct on this planet. Our water is virtually undrinkable, and filtered bottled water is in the hand of 1 out of every 2 people.

And these are only instances in the western “enlightened” cultures.

When a person takes the time to do the research on nations less affluent, there is abject poverty of the most extreme nature, disease, exploitation, famines, floods and national disasters, which of course are perceived indifferently by those in the affluent cultures, for the simple reason that it profits them nothing to care.

Anyone, whether faith based or ignorant, who declares that these things do not exist do so to their own demise, for one day, it will all come to an end, and these are the days we’re leaving as a dowry to our children.

Our legacy as a species is poverty, famine, unbearable air, poisoned food and failing crops, landscape, with the only entertainment being wars, and selfish ambition.

However, now that I’ve said all of this I will add the following:

I am not concerned. Not for myself. My future is confirmed, and my abilities are gifted, and what I do from this point forward, will be for only those whom God declares I must. For the rest, I will not be offended, or caring any longer. It is a sharply seared conscience that exists in this day and age, and I have nothing in common with any of it, or any desire for it’s trappings.

I have been gifted to love someone of like mind, like spirit, who was able to manage me by a request to a God she could not see, and as she knew I listened to this invisible God, would come to her and apologize and stop the issue which was hurting her – and she, being my missing rib – when she went to God with something in which she was incorrect, was able to be humble before this invisible God and accept the rebuke in truth for the sake of her own soul.

I doubt that another women of her quality exists on this planet, to the level to which I would be able to love and trust – with trust being the key centric of all that I am and do.

So I have been blessed more lavishly than most who live here now – with here being earth – for I have tasted the perfect blessing of my missing rib. God is a loving God, but not an ignorant one, and it is a great perfection for me that I have never approached God and treated him as a servant or drive through teller, only expecting him to answer my desires and requests.

I have always approached him with humility for those things in which I have failed asking nothing more than his mercy, love and guidance in my life, heart and spirit.

For the simplicity is that I was created by this invisible God. I did not create him.

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